Not anymore. In my own life and in my experience working with patients as a psychiatrist, I’ve realized that if something isn’t going my way. I need to surrender. Because when you accept what is instead of focusing only on what you want, you’ll feel happier and be more successful.
Follow these tips and start getting more in sync with the world around you:
Listen to your gut
When patients say, “I knew in my gut that the decision was wrong, But I did it anyway,” they always regret the choice. I’ve experienced it myself.
Years ago, I dated a man who seemed perfect for me on paper. But there was something about his eyes that bothered me, an emptiness, and I’d clench up when I thought about it .Still, he treated me so well at first that I ignored my intuition. In end, he was hurtful. If only I’d listened to myself, I could have avoided that relationship.
Do you ever make a choice, and then second – guess your quests yourself? To figure out what you truly want, try this easy exercise:
- Breathe deeply for three minutes, focusing on a time you felt happy and relaxed.
- Ask yourself question (example, should I volunteer for that project?). Be aware of your body for the next few minutes, without overthinking.
- Notice any gut feelings, insights or physical sensations, like a knot in your stomach. If your gut feels fine, that’s a sign that it’s OK to move ahead; discomfort, such as a racing heart, is a signal to be cautious. Then let yourself trust what your body is telling you – it knows what’s good for you.
If you keep going full tilt day after day, your stress hormones - cortisol and adrenaline – will surge. By hitting Red, you'll gain a clearheadedness that’s hard to find when you’re going a million miles an hour. Spending one day (or an afternoon) a month not making any decisions, or checking email or your phone, can help. So you can trying the following often as possible.
- If you have only a few minutes, do everything more mindfully, savoring the experience – whether walking eating or listening to music.
- If you have at least 30 minutes. Get out in nature. Notice the sky, the grass. Beauty is all around you make time to see it.
- If you have an hour, take a yoga class, read or just veg.
Be wrong sometimes
At my gym recently, a guy was talking and his cell phone. When I politely asked him to stop, he sarcastically replied, “Oh, I’m really sorry I disturbed you.” Rather than be nasty back, I took a breath and sweetly thanked him for being so sensitive, as if he were my hero. He must have thought his snarkiness had gone over my head, because he quickly got into being appreciated and didn't use his phone again. If I’d never have gotten the quiet I craved.
To be clear, I’m not talking about being a doormat. But if you let go of the need to be right and you admit that you can’t control, fix or change someone, you’ll save yourself energy and frustration – and, often, will bring the difficult person around to your way of thinking. A few ways to make it work for you:
It used to be that after every deadline, I’d think, I’ve finally finished my to-do’s. Then, inevitably, my list would expand again. Maybe we’d all be happier if we had a “not–to–do list.” Barring that, try these tips to break the to-do obsession:
- If an argument is dragging on, ask yourself: Is there another way to go? If you stick to your guns, you may eventually get your way but the other person will be resentful. In the end, what matters most is the relationship, no?
- Practice letting others is right about tiny things, like where to eat. Instead of telling your significant other, “I don’t feel like Chinese food,” say, “Great idea!” You’ll both end up a better mood.
- Let others be right about bigger issues, too. One of my patients was arguing with her husband about where their child should go to school. Finally, she said she’d try his way. He appreciated her flexibility, their son did just fine, and their marriage was stronger for it.
It used to be that after every deadline, I’d think, I’ve finally finished my to-do’s. Then, inevitably, my list would expand again. Maybe we’d all be happier if we had a “not–to–do list.” Barring that, try these tips to break the to-do obsession:
- Set your sight lower. Instead of reorganizing your closet, do your sock drawer. Then congratulated yourself on a task well done.
- Swap to-do’s for pleasurable moments. It’s a gift to able to surrender to the joy in life. Think of it as a form of gratitude for living. - Judith Orioff (THT)
